Category: Promo Ninja

My Newsletter is out!

31/05/2012

With Rough Surrender almost released, I've sent out a newsletter to fans with a nice fat excerpt and also a taste of my short story, Rusted Rattlesnakes and Lubricated Love, a teaser for my next writing project, Cataclysm Blues - Awakening, Book One.

If you ordered my newsletter don't expect a great fanfare of trumpets and the descent of angels from the heavens. Apart from the fact that my stories are highly erotic BDSM - so no angel will come within a mile without self-combusting - apart from that, I also suck a lot at newsletter writing.

I rely on the attached stories to grab you round the throat, slap you around, and roughly encourage you to buy the book. My co-author and crit partner, Leia Shaw has just hired a publicist to do her promo, well I need a newsletterist! I have Mail Chimp, a system that purports to turn you into THE GREATEST newsletter person EVER!!!!

But I stared at all the buttons and ran away.

They send me emails now and then telling me what to do. I file them. Like I file all weird stuff. One day...one day I will read thee. With welding glasses on and a pair of tongs. Things like that drive me batty.

BUT I did do a newsletter. Expect one. If you wanted it. Read the darn thing. I sweated blood, and maybe even some actual sweat, writing that thing.

Here's my website for the book. Go look. Go drool. Go do something like jump up and down so I feel the floor rumble. It'd be nice. I promise it'll be fun. http://roughsurrender.weebly.com/

Orgasms however, are not guaranteed. I reserve those for the book.

Out June 4th from Lyrical Press!

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You’re been a Promo Whore, now make like a Promo Ninja

31/03/2012

2 Comments

Silent, deadly, and called Bruce.

What’s the saying? You gotta walk the walk not talk the talk?

Well a promo ninja looks like a ninja, moves like a ninja but when you look under the hood, there is Bruce, or Marg, peeking up at you. Yes, don’t interrupt my lecture, ninjas DO have hoods. In this story, they do.

If you have a book to get out there, into the wide world, you have to be good at promo, right? There are hundreds and hundreds of posts on the net about how to do it right, about how to be a promo whore. Get that book in FRONT of the people. Yes?

Well I have read those posts, some of them, or at least sniffed the screen they were printed on, and I have my own method. No one else can tell you the Promo (Bruce) Ninja method.

Twitter
What do they tell you? Get followers. Get tweets going that are 80 percent you and 20 percent promo so you don’t bore the peeps. Peeps are people who have lost their ole! Ahem. Moving on.

The ninja method – all your tweets are promo. Books books books. Get in, tweet your book, get out. Why? Because Twitter is shit scary.

What the hell are you supposed to DO on there? It’s like being on a highway and all the people are going one way, at 200 km per hour in everything from space shuttle sized semi-trailers to mini buses to prams, and NONE of them have brakes, and you’re standing there, in the middle, bug-eyed, screaming and flailing your arms.

So, what do you do? Run! Tweet and run like effin mad before those little fuckers flatten you like the eency weency insignificant bug that you are!

Next we shall cover facebook.

I know about facebook. There are a lot of people on there too. But at least they stop and talk. No panicking on fb. Just remember to share all those picture of cats stuck in milk bottles and men with muscles, tell everyone about the last time you had sex and flashed your boobs at the neighbor and you will be fine. Books? Yeah those too.

Until I joined facebook I never realized how much we all love philosophy.

Like, who would have known that in a Zombie Apocalypse, Americans would either --

Kill a zombie – 5 percent

Search for a cure – 5 percent

Look for their missing loved one – 5 percent

Or Taste delicious – 85 percent

Wow. See? Amazing knowledge.

And I never knew that cats were so damn good at comedy.

What’s next? Umm.

Blog posting
The Promo Ninja never posts about their books. They write completely unrelated posts about stupid things that might be either funny, stupid, irrelevant , or all three. Though sometimes they may also tell you very important things like what to do in a zombie apocalypse.

Guest blogging?
Naah too hard. Forget it.

There. I award you the Mauve belt of the tenth order Promo Ninja.

Have a nice day.